Monthly Archives: June 2017

Top 5 “Sorry for Being Churlish” Songs

Sometimes I am really moody and kind of mean to my husband. Truth be told, I am sort of a saucy chef and he probably deserves my added saltiness about 1% of the time…like when he pretended to put Third Eye Blind into his Top 250 list. Or when he cut my hair 3 inches above the permitted length line. But 99% of the time, he is just being his wonderful sweet self and I’m over here with Resting Bitch Face for no reason. I always feel bad after being such an atrocious woman and these are the Top 5 songs that play in my head as I try to figure out a way to apologize for my churlishness.

1) Chicago, “Hard to Say I’m Sorry

Really, if Chicago doesn’t play in your head at least twice a month outside your menstrual cycle, your relationship is broken.

2) Adam Ant, “Wonderful

I AM so tired of packaging the anger and ALWAYS…pushing you…away.

3) Dan Hill, “Sometimes When We Touch

The honesty is too much and I have to close my eyes and hide…in the bathroom…until my Ativan kicks in and I calm the fuck down and return to a semi-normal state of being. But I really do want to hold you til I die. PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME.

4) Bryan Adams, “Please Forgive Me

Left over from childhood when my sisters would get in my face and sing this obnoxiously when they had done something to piss me off. It always worked.

5) Prince and the Revolution, “Purple Rain

Cue Uncle Joe’s imitation of Prince onstage at the club.

*Honorable Mention: Bob Dylan, “Just Like A Woman

This (kind of sexist?) song plays in my head not so much as a forgiveness anthem as a “get over yourself” theme. “Nobody has to guess that baby can’t be blessed til she finally sees that she’s like all the rest.” Dylan wouldn’t have put up with my nonsense. 🙁


Elevator Music

The elevators in my building play music at an obscenely low volume during the day. It seems to get just a skosh louder as it gets closer to 5pm. That’s usually the only time I’m able to identify anything they’re playing. I usually assume it’s typical “muzak” sort of stuff and don’t bother straining my ears or running Shazam but TODAY, today was different. It was about 5:30pm when I was leaving the building and the unmistakable whine of one Elvis Costello could be heard through those muted elevator speakers!I had barely been able to step outside my office all day so I was instantly happy to hear a familiar (albeit petulant) voice and it just so happened to be my favorite song off Get Happy!! (“Opportunity”). It was the perfect little dipper for the end of an otherwise sauce-less day.

Five Times Other Bands Did “The Beatles” Better than the Beatles

The Beatles are awesome (Sgt. Pepper is #2 in my Top 300 Albums for Pete’s sake!). Nobody does it like the Beatles…except when they do…and they do it better. Here are 5 instances where bands made songs that sound JUST LIKE THE BEATLES, only better.

1) Dave Clark Five, “Because” (1964)

There are five of them, so that should be our first hint. Aside from that, Dave Clark Five (affectionately referred to as DC5) sound EXACTLY LIKE THE BEATLES, especially their early stuff. I’m thinking the goods off Please Please Me and Twist and Shout (particularly “From Me to You”). Earlier in 1964, DC5 had a little single called “Glad All Over” which knocked “I Want to Hold Your Hand” out of the UK Singles Chart. BOOM! Alas, they did not have the staying power our beloved mop-tops did. “Because” remains with us though as one of the lost Beatles gems…that wasn’t by the Beatles.

2) The Monkees, “Last Train to Clarksville” (1966)

The first time I heard “Last Train to Clarksville” I thought, this is the coolest Beatles song I’ve ever heard! Only, I hadn’t ever heard it. Not by the Beatles anyway. Because it’s by The Monkees. It has serious echoes of “Paperback Writer” though, and I think  you could slot it into A Hard Day’s Night and no one would notice. Better yet, stick it on Help!. That album needs all the, ahem, help it can get.

3) The Kinks, “A Well Respected Man” (1965)

From the 1965 album Kinkdom, it’s a little more obviously on the snarky side than we’re used to with the Beatles…because it’s The Kinks. Ray Davies wrote the song after a nasty run-in with some snooty upper-crusters at a fancy-pants hotel left a bad taste in his  mouth. “Well Respected Man” was Davies’ way of deriding their smug behavior and affectations. Message received, Ray!

4) The Hollies, “Bus Stop” (1966)

Ahh, the Hollies. One of Remo’s favs. This song is straight from the grooves of Beatles for Sale. Maybe even Rubber Soul. And not that this has anything to do with anything, but “Bus Stop” was written by Graham Gouldman, future member of 10cc!

5) Swinging Blue Jeans, “The Hippy Hippy Shake” (1962)

This one was so spot-on that the Beatles themselves actually did a cover version of it in a BBC session! It also has the distinct honor of being featured in the 1994 classic, Angels in the Outfield. If you don’t want to watch Danny Glover play coach (why wouldn’t you want to do that–weird), skip to 1:34 when Adrien Brody hits the ball (possibly for the first time ever?). Classic.

*Honorable Mention: Badfinger, “No Matter What” (1970)
This song could be a later Beatles jam but it’s basically too hip. We’ll leave it to Badfinger at this point. Just as an aside though, the version that was released on the album No Dice was recorded at Abbey Road Studios. Just sayin’…

Thanks for sampling the Sauce! Stay tuned for more.